A long awaited chance

Such a relief... work is going to let me have leave to go to the EOD memorial this year. I think about it and simply feel overwhelmed.
I called Curt's sister Brenda today to tell her that I can definately go now. She's been so amazing through all of this. In fact, his entire family is probably the only reason that I'm as close to stable as I can be now. Despite the uncertainty, Brenda had already reserved a place for me at the family table and ensured there would be a place for me to sit with the family during the actual memorial. I wish I could express better how moving this all is. When Curt was killed all I wanted was to reach out to his family so they would know how adored he was in life. What's happened now is that I feel like I've become a part of his family. In my heart I feel like I would have been a part of his family if all of this tragedy had never happened, so it's such a great comfort to have them despite of all this loss. I often feel like Curt would be so pleased to know that his mother, father, sister, brothers and I have laughed at stories about him and cried at his grave together. The last night that I was with him, he was showing me pictures of home and talked on and on about his nephew Addison. He adored Addison. The pictures of them together were so adorable. When I went to visit his family for the first time, I was able to meet Addison. The grown ups were busy so there wasn't anyone to search for bugs in the yard with Addison. Of course, I also would rather be searching for bugs in the mud, so Addison and I spent hours looking under rocks and daring each other to touch spiders. It was one of the most sacred moments of my life. I know Curt would have been out there digging in the dirt with Addison if all of this had never happened, and that he'd be so glad that Addison had a new partner in crime.